


color of a constellation falling into place

by cano



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Americana, Coming of Age, M/M, and next thing I know I’m writing a in-depth character study and a coming-of-age story, i dunno i just wanted to write Ruler and CoreJJ on a trip together, technically isn't Americana but whatever, this is what Samsung Galaxy does to you, trips across the continental U.S. as a coming-of-age plot device
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 12:48:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8490469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cano/pseuds/cano
Summary: “I want to go to America,” Park Jaehyuk says out of the blue one day.“Okay,” says Yongin.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I went to NYC and watched the semifinals. Gotta write while this is fresh on my mind.
> 
> I’ve been to New York a grand total of seven times - three times I went by myself and wandered the city on my own. I confess, I don’t exactly like the city, but I do love traveling, which sort of inspired my voice as I was writing this. I thought a lot about the fact that Ruler is _seventeen_ while I was writing. The fact that he’s at such a young age, and he got to the World Championships and got to see the very American cities of Chicago, San Francisco, New York, Los Angeles. Seventeen is a really impressionable age and seeing as Ruler, who’s a progamer and a underage kid from Korea, he wouldn’t have had many opportunities to travel - always practicing LoL, and studying 24/7 before he was a progamer.

 

 

“I want to go to America,” Park Jaehyuk says out of the blue one day. 

 

His teammates take that the completely wrong way, and flip out. Chanyong takes him to the side and tells him while it’s his choice and he respects it, could he please not do that during scrims and scare the shit out of everyone and mess up practice, thanks. Also he reminds Jaehyuk that his contract is not over until next spring. 

 

“Okay,” says Yongin.

 

He’s the only one that says that. He’s the only one that understands what Jaehyuk means, and Jaehyuk sort of loves him for that, the kind of love that warms him down to his bones, that keeps countries loyal to their kings.

 

And it makes sense that Yongin would be the one to understand, his support, his partner, bot lane duo. Jaehyuk wants to say _his other half_ , but that seems way too cheesy, even for him. But the point is, Yongin _understands_ , and that means the world to him. He wants to grab Yongin-hyung’s hand, hug him like he does after a match they won when they’re in sync and they’re in sync now, and that’s why Yongin said yes. Jaehyuk wants to express this somehow, hands clasped together like he can make Yongin feel the same thing he is just by proximity, somehow transfer this feeling through physical touch. It’s tempting; he holds himself back.

 

  
_You don’t know how much this means to me,_  he wants to say, but that’s wrong. Yongin knows _exactly_ what this means to him.

 

 

 

**

 

Yongin says, Okay, and that’s all there is to it. Jaehyuk presses the trigger, and he follows like clockwork. Like in-game, only this is real life.

 

I want to go to America, Jaehyuk had said, and Yongin had seen the desire behind it. Okay, he had said, and only realized later that he meant it as _Okay, I’ll go with you_  and Jaehyuk had known which way he meant it right away, like how Yongin knew that Jaehyuk wasn’t talking about moving teams or regions, he just wanted to _go_. His response was trigger-automatic and Jaehyuk knew before he did, like bracing for the recoil after the shot, the shot that he fired, so he knows. And now Yongin is committed because Jaehyuk is and it’s do or die, and he is the one to take the skillshots and tank through the damage, absorb the impact to feel it shuddering through him and into the earth before he rights himself and regains his balance. It’s always like this with Jaehyuk, he pulls the trigger, earth-shattering and throwing him off his footing and undoing the world right before his eyes and expecting Yongin to follow like nothing is wrong, nothing has changed. 

 

Strangely, he doesn’t mind so much.

 

(His excuse is that because that’s what is expected of him as a support.)

 

 

 

**

 

 

The coach OKs it easily enough. Convincing their teammates are harder. Jaehyuk swears up and down that he’ll do everything possible to hit challenger the moment he gets back, as Chanyong, the captain, stares impassive but definitely not _pleased_. Eventually he says “Well, I can’t stop you,” turns back to his game and Jaehyuk breathes a sigh of relief, so he misses the look that Chayong throws over to Yongin over his head. The look is very knowing and it speaks volumes, but in the end it boils down to ‘you’re spoiling him too much’. Yongin ignores the implications but nods anyway, pretends he understands. Chanyong stares at him a moment longer but keeps his silence.

 

Team-wise, there’s not much problem. Even for the scrims, Snitch and Wraith can step in for them, it’s okay. It’s offseason, but it still feels so wrong asking for an extra week off even if they _are_ guaranteed a two-week vacation, and there are no games to be played for at least three months (KeSPA Cup is done and over with, and they weren’t invited to Goyang nor the Oakland IEM, and SKT automatically qualified for IEM Katowice for placing the highest at Worlds). It feels so wrong because no one - no team - in the LCK ever uses more than a week of those vacations, and always practices even during the time off. It can’t be helped, it’s like a disease. It’s like a disease because it’s an endless cycle of being desperate, so desperate to win so you practice and practice more till you finally get to the top - or near enough, in their case. And then you can never relax because holding onto that top spot is harder than _getting_  it in the first place - thus, you practice more and more, harder and harder like a madman being chased by something he doesn’t see behind him. 

 

 

 

It’s like a disease because it’s a never-ending downward spiral. Yongin isn’t sure if he’s tired yet.

 

(He knows Jaehyuk is too young and too bold, too _new_  to be tired just yet)

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

“Toothbrush?” 

 

“Check,” 

 

“Toothpaste?” 

 

“Check,” 

 

“Phones and chargers, and did you check up on the overseas roaming thing?” 

 

“Uh huh,” 

 

“Money and credit cards?” 

 

“Of course,” 

 

“Passport?” 

 

“ _Yes,_ "

 

“Did you book the flight tickets?” 

 

“Coach helped me, and double-checked it too,” 

 

“What about the hotels?” 

 

“I booked the Florida one, and New York, and L.A. The rest we’re gonna have to take care of on the go,” 

 

“All right.” 

 

Budgeting and planning takes a while, but not as long as Yongin expected because Jaehyuk is _scary_  when he’s determined and he’s smarter than most people give him credit for. Then again, most people expect progamers to be dumb as rocks, so that doesn’t really say much. Jaehyuk also manages to scrape deals _everywhere_  and uses google maps to scour the places to stay and looks up the prices and deals and he does this between queue times and still keeping up his rank and and _why_ is Yongin doing this again, he does have a decent salary as a progamer but it’s not limitless and he does have a future to think about. Still, it seems like a better way to spend money than spending it on needlessly expensive (and ugly) clothing brands, he supposes.*

 

_*Yes, this was totally a dig at Imp. Stop buying ugly clothes for half a million dollars, goddammit Imp._

 

 

 

Driving is out of the question. Neither of the have the ability to drive, and even if they did, they don’t have time to get a US license and tackling the highways of America is on a different level by itself. Jaehyuk does try to make an argument for about fifteen seconds before he closes his mouth, because yes even he can tell what a _great_  idea trying to hitchhike through the continental U.S. is. So they decide on trains and buses, and the general idea is to hit Florida, Washington DC, New York, Chicago, Texas, Nevada for Las Vegas and Los Angeles - not in the precise order. They map out the general route and plan to buy tickets on the way and on the road, same with the hotels. Well, some, because Jaehyuk insists. It’s much more authentic this way, he says. 

 

(Yongin wonders if Jaehyuk has some sort of a romantic ideal about America. He probably watched too many videos, listened to some crap on a reddit thread about the true American hitchhiking experience or something. He resolves to wane Jaehyuk off those shitty Western-romantic road trip novel things.

 

  
_Americana_ , says Jaehyuk. _What the hell does that even mean_ , Yongin asks.

 

  
_One day, we’ll do it, drive through the lands and I’ll show you and you’ll see,_ replies Jaehyuk.

 

Yongin doesn’t comment on the fact that Jaehyuk so steadfastly believes that this _one day_ will happen sometime in the future, and they’ll still be on the same team, in the same _country,_  even, to be able to do a trip together.)

 

Still, there is something about the great American lands, he has to admit. When the plane lands in Orlando, Florida, and the warm humid air hits them both and makes Yongin inhale sharply, for some reason, he can admit it. He thinks he understands the English phrase _something in the air_  a bit better now, almost a year after Danny tried to teach him the meaning. Korea is his hometown and he can never get the feeling of belonging so completely as he does in Korea elsewhere; he tried, and that was Santa Monica, California (and boy _was that a disaster_ ) but he's not here in Orlando, Florida to belong. 

 

He's here to _go_.

 

He puts both Danny and his days at Dignitas behind him as Jaehyuk chatters, excited at their lodgings which are the _Disney Resort Hotels_. It was kind of a spurge, but this is their first day and they kind of deserve it after a year like this, and it is very worth it to see the unabashed delight on the younger boy’s face. Jaehyuk isn’t even tired after that very long flight from Korea, he wants to go see everything and go on every single ride.

 

“Hyung, come on, let’s _go,_ ” he nearly whines, and Yongin laughs and lets himself be dragged through the literally all the attractions of Magical Kingdom, worn out but somehow keeping it together until they see the fireworks. He blames it on Jaehyuk’s enthusiasm and all the sugar they consumed during the day. Jaehyuk is like an excited puppy and he runs at everything and can’t stop smiling, he wants the ice cream and the huge lollipop and the nachos and popcorn and the chocolate bar, and Yongin laughs and laughs and laughs.

 

They stagger back to their resort room sometime after midnight - Yongin isn’t too sure of the time; his biological clock is fucked up and he’s too tired to even check his phone. Both he and Jaehyuk forget to brush their teeth and they fall asleep on the same bed, still dressed in the same clothes they wore during the day. They still have Epcot and Animal Kingdom to explore tomorrow, better to sleep early. 

 

“Goodnight,” Yongin whispers, just before his eyes close from fatigue. He thinks he hears Jaehyuk mumble something in response, but he isn’t sure.

 

 

**

 

 

Three days at Disneyland pass like lightning and they’re on a cab to the train station. They barely woke up on time and they forgot to shower because they were at _Disneyland_  and three days were barely enough time to look around with bare minimum amounts of sleep. They sleep on the train to Washington DC. It’s a long trip; they’ll arrive in the morning. Yongin snores softly and Jaehyuk stares out the window at the blank black horizon and the occasional flash of light. The train rocks back and forth gently to an unknown rhythm and it’s soothing. Jaehyuk drums his fingers on the window pane and watches; watches the scenery, watches Yongin-hyung and his thin glasses and thick eyelashes and closed lids.

 

Time passes… strangely, when he’s in motion. It’s a different kind of waiting, a different kind of boredom from the queue waits he’s used to; the anticipation and the restlessness is a bit similar, but other than that _nothing_  else is the same. He’s not thinking about the Jhin cooldowns or whether he’ll get bot or he’ll have to fill, mentally tapping out the keys in his mind, on the air but not pressing the keys. He manages to put the soloq and his worries about his rank behind him, because that kind of stuff still creeps up on him in the stillness like this. Instead he thinks about Disneyland, New York, the destinations ahead of him, and the fact that Yongin-hyung is here with him, and that makes him smile to the point where his cheeks hurt. Some part of him (the sane part, the rational part of him, maybe) whispers that he’s over his head; that he’s doomed.

 

Jaehyuk doesn’t care.

 

Eventually he sleeps. It’s a eighteen-hour train ride and they’ve got a long way to go.

 

 

 

**

 

**Washington DC**

 

 

Washington DC truly makes him feel like a tourist. They get off at the National Mall, thank the uber driver (Jaehyuk has really embraced those, even more than Yongin ever will and _he_ has lived in the states before), and look at the maps that they picked up at the airport. There are other tourist that he spies that are looking at maps like they are, arguing over directions and clearly not belonging. 

 

“Where to?” Yongin asks.

 

“Umm, Natural History Museum first,” 

 

“You don’t want to see the White House?” 

 

“Not really,” replies Jaehyuk.

 

And Yongin has to agree at that, why would he want to see something that they don’t know a thing about, and they don’t even care about? White House is exactly something like that, in his opinion. Famous, but both he and Jaehyuk don’t care about it. They are not history nerds and seeing a _House_  isn’t an exciting prospect for them, sorry.

 

On the other hand, Natural History Museum is something that he’d be excited about as a grade-schooler, or a middle-schooler, maybe - but it’s still beautiful and enjoyable. It feels like a fun english lesson somewhat, because everything is in english but there are photos and exhibits to help him decrypt the meaning. Jaehyuk points out which animal looks like which team member and Yongin threatens to tell on him when he compares their team captain to the Tylosaurus skeleton hanging on the Ocean Hall. Jaehyuk instantly turns pale and denies ever having said anything. They both agree that the huge, fluffy polar bear is strikingly similar to Seongjin.

 

They visit the National Gallery, too, just for the heck of it. Yongin catches Jaehyuk staring at a classical painting - something Yongin doesn’t recognize - enrapt, multiple times.

 

“Did you ever want to become an artist?” he asks, curious.

 

“Hell _no,_ ” Jaehyuk makes a face, and the disgust there is so vivid that Yongin laughs, helpless like always against his AD Carry.

 

(He’s always helpless when it comes to Jaehyuk)

 

"What makes you think that I’d ever want to do _art,_ hyung _?_ ” Jaehyuk manages to choke out.

 

“You were staring at that painting pretty intensely,"

 

Jaehyuk _blushes_. “I- uh, it’s a famous painting, and I know the name, but I couldn’t remember it right this second -"

 

Yongin stares. “The name is written right there, under the painting,” he points.

 

And then he narrowly avoids getting them kicked out of the gallery for laughing way too hard at the incredulous, spluttering expression on Jaehyuk’s face. It’s almost worth it. 

 

They get ice cream at the gift shop all the way in the lower levels of the gallery, chocolate for Jaehyuk and Affogato for Yongin. 

 

 

**

 

**New York City**

 

 

New York is different from his memories. Jaehyuk is rather surprised by that fact. 

 

“I think,” he says, “it was grander in my memories."

 

They’re walking down Times Square. Yongin thinks it’s grand enough, the sky-high buildings and billboards and monitors displaying the latest news, ads, stock values. Everyone is constantly on the move, never standing still, or being still for long. 

 

“I dunno, I think I was too worried about the match to actually care about the city,” says Yongin. It’s half a truth. To him, the city _was_ the match; and winning it meant winning the city, like winning a piece of it as a prize to tuck deep into his mind, like a not-quite-physical memorabilia. Winning meant he won the right to remember the city, the right to keep it in his memories.

 

Jaehyuk thinks it’s different. Jaehyuk _knows_  it’s different; the city was laced with promises and he had been high on winning, determined - to him the city wasn’t the prize, it was the incentive to win; to make it remember _him._  It’s a small difference, but it’s a definite one. Maybe that’s why the city feels less grand to him, there is no reason to impress upon it any longer, it’s already been won.

 

They walk past and linger in front hotel they stayed at, lost in thought. They didn’t book a room there (because it was weird, as if they were retracing their steps, as if they weren’t doing enough of that already) - the rooms were small and Jaehyuk had wanted to stay at the grand-looking Hotel Pennsylvania right across the Garden instead. It looked so grand, and it was right across, so Jaehyuk remembers that he wanted to stay there, while they were in New York for the Semifinals. It’s not as fancy or grand on the inside as it seems from the outside, by the way. They stop at the front entrance of Madison Square Garden and just stand there, unable to find the right words.

 

It seems like ages ago, when they swept H2K 3-0 right here.

 

“We’ll do it again,” Jaehyuk is surprised at his own voice. It leapt out of him, out of nowhere and it is just as much reassurance to Yongin-hyung as it is a promise to himself. _We’ll win again,_  he means.

 

Yongin knows exactly what he means.

 

“We will,” he replies, and Jaehyuk stretches out his hand, that sneaky bastard - so Yongin obligingly takes it; long-suffering and sighing, but still takes his hand anyway - like after they won a match, like before they play a game and Jaehyuk is nervous, like when they’re exiting the booth and bowing to the crowd and they’re still connected somehow, sharing the moment. 

 

“Come on, I’m cold,” he says, and so they head to the nearest Starbucks, hands still linked together. It’s not much warmer there, either, but the coffee and the hot chocolate are warm and they get to sit down. Yongin then leaves to use the restroom, so Jaehyuk sits while sipping his drink, staring at the workers, the people, and the menu in a sort of daze.

 

“Excuse me, are you with someone?"

 

Jaehyuk snaps his head up at the english. A dark-haired, maybe Caucasian (definitely not Korean) young woman is grinning at him, pretty and bright. Yongin-hyung is still gone, his own english is next to nonexistent so Jaehyuk is mentally sweating. What did she just say? 

 

“You’re very cute,” she says.

 

  
_Are you with someone?_  She had asked. Jaehyuk tries his best to rack his brain to work, to process what the hell it means and come up with a proper response. With. With. That means like together, along, something like that, right?

 

“Ah, yes,” he manages to utter, as he spots Yongin-hyung coming back from the bathroom. He points. “I’m with him,” and smiles.

 

“Oh!” she seems surprised. “I didn’t know it was like that. Um, I see.” she apologizes, and moves away quickly, expression a mixture of disappointed and flustered.

 

“Did something happen?” Yongin asks, throwing a quizzical look at the woman, and back at Jaehyuk.

 

“She was just asking something,” Jaehyuk shrugs. Yongin gives him an inquisitive look, but Jaehyuk doesn’t elaborate.

 

“Let’s go, then.” Yongin decides. They make their way outside and it’s already dark.

 

It’s fulfilling just to _walk_  around in New York. Every street and every corner is a sight to see and the buildings draw patterns against the skyline and it’s dazzling, especially at night, where the New York certainly earns the name of the City that Never Sleeps.

 

 

 

**

 

**Chicago, Illinois**

 

 

Next up it’s Chicago, Illinois, and Jaehyuk almost wishes he hadn’t picked this as one of their destinations. It’s gloomy in Chicago during December, and it pours, and it’s _cold._ The two cancel any and all plans to go outside and look around, and hole up in a small hotel near the train station. 

 

Jaehyuk remembers getting meat and getting the deep-dish pizza and Seongjin complaining that it wasn’t good. He remembers blue skies and beautiful buildings and a large river. He is greeted by gray skies and rain and chills and a deep somber city. 

 

Worse, Yongin-hyung doesn’t talk to him. He hasn’t said a word since “the weather’s really bad, let’s just go find some lodgings and hope it dies down,” at the station. It makes Jaehyuk feel so _so_  guilty and he almost cries because Yongin-hyung is mad at him, probably, and he’s frustrated and mad and  _devastated_ that the weather is bad and he made Yongin come here and stay. 

 

  
_I’m sorry I’m sorry I just wanted to have fun I didn’t mean for this to happen I can’t control the weather I wanted to go see the park and ride a boat around the river and it was really nice the last time we came here so I thought it would still be nice, I was an idiot,_  the words fly through Jaehyuk’s head.

 

Yongin is lying on his bed, flipping mindlessly through the TV stations.

 

Jaehyuk finally breaks down when the clock hits six thirty and it’s dark and still raining and it’s clear that it won’t die down anytime soon. He crawls into Yongin’s bed and cautiously settle next to the older boy, arms snaking around the middle of his waist.

 

“I’m sorry please don’t hate me,” he whispers, almost a sob. He buries his head into Yongin’s shoulder, so he can’t see his expression.

 

Yongin twitches a bit, as if surprised, and after a moment he tentatively reaches around to stroke Jaehyuk’s head.

 

“Oh, Jaehyuk,” he starts, soft and gentle, but trails off as the words are lost. He can’t quite put into words - yes, he is disappointed, but not _at_ Jaehyuk, never at Jaehyuk.

 

(How could he? How could he ever be mad at him?)

 

Eventually he turns around and returns Jaehyuk’s embrace, and pats his cheek, saying without words  _I don’t hate you,_  and Jaehyuk gets it. He immediately relaxes, and the two stay like that for hours, just holding one another and it’s strangely comfortable. Soon Yongin drifts asleep to the sound of the rain and Jaehyuk relaxes a fraction more, and allows himself to indulge a little bit more, to think that he’s forgiven, when there’s really nothing to forgive - Yongin will insist.

 

Jaehyuk thinks it’s one of the best part of this trip so far, just holding onto Yongin-hyung like this.

 

The rain doesn’t let up the day after either, and they leave the city earlier than planned. Jaehyuk steals guilty looks at Yongin all throughout the train station and until they get on the train; Yongin doesn’t have the energy to reassure him for another hour. Jaehyuk doesn’t stop the glances until the engines rattle and the car rocks forward, and begins to move.

 

They ride the train back to DC and catch a plane to Texas because nothing will be flying out of Chicago in that weather, says the forecast.

 

With a pang, Yongin looks back to the still-raining city of Chicago growing smaller and smaller in the horizon, and realizes that he was looking forward to visiting the city just as much as Jaehyuk was. Maybe this is why he was so disappointed.

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

They are traveling like it’s Worlds all over again and the have destinations to hit in a certain timeframe, but instead of playing matches, they’re sightseeing. It’s a pretty speedy trip and Yongin thinks they could have benefited from staying in one place for a longer amount of time, but Jaehyuk wants to see everything, as much as possible, to _go_. So he goes along with it, goes along with Jaehyuk like always.

 

In the train to DC, in a rare moment, Jaehyuk is asleep but Yongin is not.

 

“What will you do without me,” Yongin asks the sleeping boy next to him. It’s a rhetorical question that he doesn’t want to know the answer to, because he’s too afraid of Jaehyuk answering that with _nothing._

 

(He’s afraid of Jaehyuk answering that with anything other than _nothing_ )

 

Press the trigger and he follows.

 

 

 

**

 

**Dallas, Texas**

 

 

Texas is flat roads for miles and miles and miles. The only things by the roads are fields, cars and gas stations.

 

“Is this the authentic America you’ve dreamed about, Jaehyuk?” Yongin teases.

 

“Hyung…” Jaehyuk starts, but he can’t keep the grin out of his voice. Or out of his face, either.

 

Texas is still relatively warm in December and the sunshine brightens up Jaehyuk after the gloomy spell in Chicago. Yongin thinks he’s like a plant, a heliotrope of some kind - a solar-powered battery, maybe. The thought makes him smile and Yongin allows himself to indulge his AD Carry by letting him buy a few more souvenirs and snacks than he normally would. He does draw the line at the cowboy hat and the matching boots, though.

 

They get dinner at a small restaurant that clearly runs on the Texan theme: cowboy hats, longhorn bull horns, and the old saloon font. The meat is abundant and cheap and delicious, he thinks Seongjin would have liked it here.

 

There is even an old jukebox in the corner, filled with song names he doesn’t recognize and wouldn’t in a million years. Jaehyuk feeds the machine some coins, picks a song at a random and they both listen to the upbeat guitar notes and the country music flow out of the speakers, the upbeat sound.

 

 

_What kind of love have you got?_

_You should be home but you’re not..._

 

 

_Lookin’ for love in between..._

_Tell me your secrets, I’ll tell you mine._

Yongin thinks he can catch a few words, but he’s not sure.

_What kind of love have you got?_

 

Another song plays through the restaurant, and this time, Yongin tries to sing along, and attempts to move his body along to the beat. He blames it on the margarita he chose to order, as he tries his best to match the speed of the song.

 

He’s grinning from ear to ear, joyful, careless - Jaehyuk is startled by the sudden rush of desire to kiss him, right here and all.

 

_Faster, faster,_

_the lights are turning red._

 

 

**

 

**Los Angeles, California**

 

 

They fly to Los Angeles, because Texas to LA is relatively a cheap flight, and they’re nearing the end of their trip. Los Angeles is one of their last two destinations they planned, and they planned on staying there the longest. 

 

They end up visiting the Riot Games Studio because they’re gamers and they can’t help it; their hotel isn’t too far and they really have no excuse _not_ to go and the employees at Riot Games thankfully welcome them with open arms. A few of them even recognize Yongin from his days at North America, they’re all too happy to show them around and take photos with them, some ask for signatures and Jaehyuk feels a bit proud, because their performance at Worlds did pay off (even if it’s just small things) and now they are _recognized._  Yongin half-translates, half-guesses for them both, and they walk out after playing a few rounds of ARAM and regular games with the awed interns, a poro plush in Jaehyuk’s arms and a Nami figure in Yongin’s hands (they don’t have Tahm Kench or Karma figure yet).

 

Jaehyuk goes to sleep with the poro plush still clutched to his chest.

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

They wake to sunlight hitting their faces through the not-quite closed blinds. It’s way past noon, around maybe three in the afternoon, so they settle for a late lunch at Sawtelle, Japantown, and Jaehyuk goes for the bubble tea and Yongin for the Honeymee for dessert. Dinnertime comes in a blink of an eye so they get kbbq at an unlimited-refill kbbq place and eat and eat and eat. Seongjin’s gonna be heartbroken that they ate here without him, Yongin notes. Probably Minho too. Chanyong might not mind, but ah well - it’s their trip, they can do whatever they want, including teasing teammates that didn’t get to eat the food at their travel destinations. The thought makes Yongin smile as they walk around the city of Downtown Los Angeles, trying to digest all the food they’ve eaten. The skyscape is quickly drowning in a rich navy color and the lights from the streetlights are bright already.

 

“Wanna go see the beach?” Yongin asks. They call an uber and gets dropped off at the Santa Monica Beach, and it’s pitch-black save the lights from nearby homes illuminating the surroundings. The waves crash against the sand, and the sound rings out in the night, refreshing and encompassing. They stay like that for some time, silent, letting the waves do the talking for them. 

 

Finally Yongin asks, “Why did you want to come to America, Jaehyuk?"

 

Jaehyuk cocks his head to the side, slightly. Yongin knows the general idea of _why_  Jaehyuk wanted to come, but he isn’t sure, and it isn’t specific. It’s just a feeling (and he can’t explain the gut feeling to anyone else, it’s just like trying to explain how he knows that Jaehyuk will go left and at one point or right in-game, or when Jaehyuk wants to initiate, et cetera) he can’t put into words, and he wants to hear Jaehyuk state why.

 

He knows it isn’t just for sightseeing.

 

“When I came here this fall, I… everything was so new to me. Everything was so big and large and wide and stretching for miles and miles and miles, and I never knew the land was so big. I never knew how long you could walk for without getting _anywhere._  It was enchanting.” Jaehyuk starts.

 

“I wanted to go because I _can_ ,” and really, isn’t that enough?

 

Yongin is startled by the revelation that Jaehyuk is… Jaehyuk is growing up. He’s  _seventeen,_  for god’s sake, and he spent them behind a desk studying or playing league for the majority of his life so far... and now he sees the world is bigger than he could have ever imagined. 

 

"Maybe it’s that feeling of, the world is bigger than I realize.” Jaehyuk continues. “Maybe it’s wanderlust, wanting to go everywhere and anywhere. Maybe… I can’t put into words. Have you ever had that feeling where you are boiling to do something, and you want it with pretty much every fiber of your being? Even if it seems pretty meaningless and no reason to it?” 

 

Yongin knows - _oh,_  he knows, even if not as desperately, not as vividly as Jaehyuk - he knows. 

 

“But you knew that. Why did _you_  come? Why did you follow me?"

 

 

Why indeed? 

 

 

 

“I couldn’t leave you alone to die in America now, could I?” Yongin manages a chuckle.

 

“As a support?” Jaehyuk asks, and Yongin has to bite his lip; he can’t answer that with a _yes_  and mean it completely,

 

 

 

“Not _just_  as a support,” so he compromises, reaching out and grabbing Jaehyuk’s hand.

 

Jaehyuk smiles.

 

“I want to kiss you, hyung.” He states.

 

 

“Where did _that_  come from?” Yongin asks, startled.

 

“Since Texas. I mean, I think I wanted it from the moment you said _okay_  back in Korea, but that was where it hit me, when I knew for sure,"

 

Jaehyuk always holds the trigger. He’s known - for a while now. So when he smiles, hopeful and ever so cautious, ever so fearful, and leans in, Yongin closes his eyes and meets his partner’s lips in a kiss. The world is undone right before his eyes, and Jaehyuk is the one undoing it, and he just kisses Yongin like the earth isn’t shattering right beneath his feet, like nothing has changed.

 

Yongin accepts it, because he always does, he’s always helpless when it comes to Jaehyuk, and because it doesn’t matter whether the answer to his question in the train so long ago is _nothing_  or anything but _nothing_.

 

Jaehyuk holds the trigger but Yongin is the one that follows.

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

The two skip Las Vegas and opt stay another day in Los Angeles. They stay in their hotel room the entire time, crammed on one bed, lazy and content.

 

They twine their fingers together for the entire bus ride to Las Vegas airport because their flight back to Korea is reserved to be from there, so they can’t skip it completely. There’s no need for reasons to justify holding hands this time.

 

(As if they ever needed a reason in the first place)

 

The flight to Korea is a morning flight, so the skies are still gray and barely-there patches of faint pink light are just breaking through when their boarding groups are called and they get into their seats. Jaehyuk has the aisle seat, and he snuggles up to Yongin’s shoulders, fast asleep before the plane is even off the ground. Yongin stares out the window and watches the world slowly bring itself into color and the light bleed into the scenery.

 

One day, they’ll return here - maybe for a longer time. Yongin is sure of it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Songs referenced are "Victim of Love" and "Life in the Fast Lane," both by The Eagles.
> 
> And it’s finally done, whew. I didn’t mean for it to be a character study so I think it came out as something not quite, but still is. A lot more of myself bled into this story then I expected, and the main reason for that is probably because all the cities I’ve touched on in this fic are the cities I’ve personally been to before. The Museums in DC are beautiful and worth visiting. I hate the rain in Chicago. Walking the Santa Monica beach at night is a wondrous experience. I have different feelings about New York each time I visit. Texas is warm, which is a reason to love it all by itself. There _is_ a Texan-themed restaurant but it’s in Virginia, the jukebox is electric and doesn’t require coins, and it’s filled with Carrie Underwood and Rascal Flatts songs instead.
> 
> The Americana theme was mostly pulled from the album "AM" by the Arctic Monkeys. Great soundtrack, it helped me write like 80% of this fic. Title is from "Arabella" by the Arctic Monkyes.


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